I’m not going anywhere

It was all going so well, too. But all of a sudden, my little ship of life sailed into some stormy waters. I won’t bore you with the details. You have your problems; you don’t need to hear about mine.

As usual, the blog got the short end of the stick. Blogslackery is my stock in trade, but this hasn’t been blockslackery, this has been total blog neglect. I get that. I have treated the people who have supported me in a very shabby fashion indeed. Those who take the time to leave comments deserve to have those comments acknowledged, and I have not done that. I have been a bad blogger.

I am (as many of you have probably figured out) manic depressive. I offer this as an explanation, not an excuse. The events going on in my life have been such that I have found it difficult to muster the energy to even get out of bed and live my life, let alone write creatively.

A well intentioned fellow blogger suggested that perhaps a hiatus might be in order. In fact, that’s how this post started. It was going to be my farewell (for now) post. “Dear friends, it is with a heavy heart that I write these lines…..”

And then a thought hit me, out of the blue as it were…


Yes, there are things in my life now that suck. A lot. Yes, I feel like shit and there are days I don’t even want to get out of bed. There are days when I have to force myself to remember that I will not find the answer to my problems at the bottom of a bottle of Bushmill’s.

I will not be silenced by my own demons. I have things to say, and a unique way of saying them. I will write what I want, I will express my opinions, I will be heard.

Depression, you can KISS MY ASS!!

And to those who cared enough to give me some tough love (and you know who you are), I have two things to say:

1) You’re all a pain in the ass.

2) I thank you. With all my heart.

Sorry, kids, you’re stuck with me.


16 Responses to “I’m not going anywhere”

  1. May 22, 2008 at 4:13 am

    Now you see, there’s an attitude I like!

    Oh, now there’s a surprise.

    I second that! Do NOT let the bastards get you down! Get on top and beat the crap out of it Mr Smith…
    You know the thing with pains in the arse? You clear out the crap and they’re not a pain anymore

    Umm, well now, there’s an analogy that frankly never would have occurred to me.

    Yes, Mum, I was referring to you; you ARE a pain in the ass, but you know what? I’m glad you’re in my corner. ๐Ÿ˜‰



  2. May 22, 2008 at 7:21 am


    You’re a woman of admirably few words. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. May 22, 2008 at 11:18 am

    I agree…FUCK THAT!
    Shall we call this today’s slogan? We can all start a blogging campaign called FUCK THAT!

    Sounds like a winner to me.

  4. May 22, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    From one MD to another… I wondered, just from reading your poetry. It seems to come from somewhere deep. Or maybe it just seemed that way to me because I was somewhere deep when I read them.

    Probably a little from Column A, and a little from Column B. I’m glad you enjoy my poetry.

    Congrats on facing it head on…I am bookmarking this post to reread when I hit a ravine.

    Cool! Always a pleasure to meet a fellow MD! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’ve added you to my blogroll as well. Thanks for stopping by!


  5. May 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    If you can’t say it you can’t do it. Take care and give it hell.

    Thanks Evyl. You’re a pretty cool guy for someone who’s so, y’now, evil. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. 6 Sam
    May 23, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Glad to hear you are on this thing with courage and cuss-face honesty. As I said in my previous comment, you do as you want and we’ll follow you wherever that takes you.

    Thanks, Sam. I genuinely appreciate that.


  7. May 23, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    To you and yours, I wish a Happy Memorial Day. Take care.

    Same to you, Dude, same to you!


  8. May 24, 2008 at 12:37 am

    Oh I knew precisely who you were referring to, make no mistake…but then i have a hide like a rhino so i’m not overly perturbed

    What makes you think I’d actually give a shit if you were? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Nice to see some posts happening too btw…

    Thanks. I’m trying. ๐Ÿ™‚


  9. May 24, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    Good Smith, tough love on the demons. That’s the ticket.

    Thanks, Annie. I’m giving those demons hell! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. May 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Stop bitching and do what you need to do.

    I’m not bitching, nor am I looking for sympathy. Merely stating facts, nothing more, nothing less.

    The blogosphere is a very forgiving place if . . .

    That I’m certainly aware of, having been the beneficiary of its forgiveness on more than one occasion. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  11. May 25, 2008 at 9:01 pm


    Glad you see it that way.

    A Cuban on the deck with a Guinness right now. Don’t get much better.

    It would be a lot better if you’d pick it up off the deck and put it in your mouth. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Glad I didn’t work today . . . hope you made out OK

    Umm, does the number 1653 mean anything to you? ๐Ÿ‘ฟ I’m sure you get the idea.

    See you on Tuesday

  12. May 25, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    I didn’t say a word like”goodbye” or do what you have to do because your ass belongs here with us and you know it >:^D And your Sox, and your cigars, and…you get the picture. Fuck that. Love the sound of that! Lots of love, Stephen. You have my email address for the grey days. Ali

    Thanks, Ali. You’re a true friend. Thanks for stopping by.


  13. 13 Red
    May 26, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Stuck with you? Yes!!!

    Hey, Red! I knew I could count on you.


  14. May 27, 2008 at 7:03 am

    Yes Mr Smith, you’ve always been trying, I’ll give you that…

    All part of the charm of knowing me. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

    O, BTW..I didn’t ask you to give a shit honey..I was saying not asking….

    Oh, I know. But in fact I do give a shit, after all. Go figure.

  15. May 27, 2008 at 8:53 am

    I’m glad you said those wonderful words “FUCK THAT”. I’ve been through severe depression though since I started Zoloft I feel a lot better. I wouldn’t even admit I was depressed until my daughter and my sister did a little intervention. I was pushed to the limit with my supposedly recovering heroin/crack addict son whom I love dearly but worry about constantly. I don’t talk about him on my blog but blogging has been very therapeutic for me and it’s free. Between therapy and Al Anon I have learned a lot about enabling which is one of the things I used to be very good at.

    I don’t hold anything back about myself when I blog. I am an open book. I’m glad you are still going to blog. My blogging friends have helped me lose weight and I know I couldn’t have done it without them. Hang in there Smith, because we all want to read your wonderful words.

    My comments tend to be long. I also talk too much. It is what it is.

  16. May 29, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    Haven’t been around in a while… I read these words and smile… You took the first step insuring a long journey… most would have easily given up. I do not know much about you… but I do know you have a brilliant mind and writing style. You use something not taught in language, it is soul. Bless you on your journey!

    Thank you so much for those kind words. They mean a great deal.

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