Comments on: A Single Sparrow Singing, a poem

By: writerchick

writerchick — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 20:38:26 +0000

Eerie, frightening, tragic. Words escape me.
Annie

It seems as though this poem left a few people speechless, which was, of course, the idea. I have to admit that I do believe this one to be one of my better efforts. Thank you!

-sps

By: spasmicallyperfect

spasmicallyperfect — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:54:33 +0000

Thank you for stopping by my place. Like the pic, man smoking pipe, perfect :-).
Tried to comment on above poem. The first lines are amazing. Truly brilliant.
I am sure the rest is too.
Couldn’t read any further for another time. Can’t get passed the image of someone setting themselves on fire, or someone actually knowing a person falling that hard. Sorry.

Just hearing the word “brilliant” from you makes it all worthwhile.

-sps

By: alison

alison — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:12:49 +0000

Stephen,

Wonderful imagery. I mean splendid.

I love the seasons. I love the way you take us into her mind, back to the scene, into the levity of the football game and back at the same time into the futility and heaviness of her despair. She could have written this. You became her. That is pure poetry. To be able to describe the emotions, the feelings, the perception. Well done.

I love the use of the sparrow — genius — as everyone knows the belief that a sparrow symbolizes death –the soul passing. I love the juxtiposition of the sparrows bittersweet song mixed with the agony of her screams.

I love the smell of the gasoline, the crunching leaves, the cold, the windless field. I felt your poem, I didn’t just read it. I was moved, I was sad. I was witness to someone’s pain –such a personal and private part of one’s soul.

This is a poem, and a memory that will stay with me forever. I feel as if I knew her. What a tribute to her troubled life and death.

Calm she is now, there is no fear.
No more God, no more guilt,
No more heaven, no more hell
No more penance, no more pain
No more hope, no more loss.

Those were perfect to illustrate her emptiness. Simply — no more.

Again –the imagery…just amazing.

Ali

Alison,

thank you for these words. not just for the praise, but for the realization that you truly understood what I was trying to accomplish with this poem. Coming from a poet that I hold in truly high regards, this means a great deal to me.

-sps

By: Lolly

Lolly — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:26:48 +0000

Hey,~m remarked on the “no more God.” I had a dream awhile back that was one those kind that feels so real. And in my mind, I was knowing that I was separated from God. Totally. And I was thinking that this is how someone can kill their self - when “there is no more God.” But it scared me awake! I came awake and I was so scared - even with my husband right beside me. I just started praying - really calling on the name of Jesus to help me, and I slowly settled down and realized it was just a dream, and that the Lord was with me. Weird, huh?

Not weird at all. Many people derive strength from their faith. Once again, you’ve divined another layer of meaning from this poem. Well done.

-sps

By: Lolly

Lolly — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:15:42 +0000

Wow. That’s very graphic. I guess a poem might be the best way to write about something so horrible. To know this person, to have thought about it so much…I guess I can understand that. In my ignorant opinion, you did a very good job of giving lots of details…but keeping it short. Just enough mystery.

Thank you, Lolly. Your opinion is never ignorant. In fact, you’ve divined exactly what I was trying to do here.

-sps

By: ~m

~m — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 02:21:01 +0000

No more God
Pretty much said it all for me.
Powerful, evocative, breathtaking imagery.
A Zippo, by any chance?
Deep and very dark.
My kind of thing.
~m

Michael, any time I can take your breath away, I feel I have succeeded. High praise indeed. Thank you.

-sps

By: spasmicallyperfect

spasmicallyperfect — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:09:58 +0000

Wow.
Now that came out of left field.

Well, you said you wanted another poem. Be careful what you wish for.

Have to come back to this as I am clearly not in the mindset.
Glad you posted another poem.
In true Smith manner…. guess I had forgotten…..

“In true Smith manner”. I’m left to wonder what you mean by that.

More later.

I’ll look forward to that.

sps

By: Red

Red — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 05:26:28 +0000

Stephen, this is . . beyond words. It is strength and sadness and triumphs and pain. It’s gut wrenching and saddening, but soothing just the same. It’s a piece that is not only read, but felt.

I’m glad I moved you. That is always my goal when I write a poem.

-sps

By: moonbeammcqueen

moonbeammcqueen — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:40:11 +0000

Wow. Amazing poem, though I’m sorry that this is true. The way you juxtapose the scenes of the football game and the girl is so clear and wonderful– like scenes from a movie . And the last stanza is just…wow.

Thank you for those kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

-sps

By: krkbaker

krkbaker — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:35:16 +0000

Wow Smith, this is intense. I can’t believe someone actually set themselves on fire.
Once I get past that though I love the comparison of the singing sparrow, it’s brilliant really.

kim

As I said, it’s based on a true story. Thank you for the kind words. I’m glad you liked it.

-sps